The End of a Journey; The Beginning of a Lifetime

This is it. The end of the fast, but most definitely the beginning of a new and incredible lifetime of becoming the woman of God that I was created to be. This Daniel fast was the longest duration of commitment I had made to God, and one so challenging for me because I love food! But by the strength of Christ within me and some true determination, I made it through with no slip-ups or falterings. I was tempted, but I prevailed. I desired, but I prevailed. Christ had given me the victory over this journey as long as I chose to receive it and apparently I did!!

Unfortunately I wasn't as successful in some of the "make my life better" goals that I had set for myself, but the spiritual growth I experienced far outweighs any of the gains I would've received by accomplishing the physical and tangible goals I had set. During this fast God let me in a few not-so-secrets that I had yet to understand.

1. I was created perfectly. When God formed me, He made me perfectly with no mistakes. Although I may have allowed the world and the circumstances I've been through to taint this perfection, or rather paint over it, I still have the power to recognize and strip away those "worldly" layers on my personality and get back to a place of perfection in Christ.

2. Pastor Steven has often said this statement, "It's not a project, it's a process", and although I can remember him saying it, I always found myself getting discouraged and disappointed with myself when my progress didn't seem well enough, when I hadn't completely overcome that sin, when I wasn't perfect. But God reminded me that not only will I never be completely perfected until the day I join Him in heaven, but that all He wants is effort and growth, no matter how small the margin. God delights in each baby step we take. And whether we choose to recognize and celebrate those victories, our Heavenly Father is smiling on us from above in each battle we win over the enemy and sin.

3. I have victory!! When I decided to participate in this fast I was a little concerned that I wouldn't make it simply because I love food and my track record with sticking to decisions was pretty shady, but as this fast progressed I began to see that if I have determination in my heart, that Christ will give me the strength to overcome the struggles presented along the way.

No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it. -1 Cor 10:13

Here's the thing, the scripture says "He will also provide...", it doesn't say that He will remove the temptation, but rather He will provide and WE have to CHOOSE to receive that provision and take full advantage of it as a child of God. It was during this fast that I noticed that if I switched my train of thought to Jesus during those times of temptation, that somehow the temptation would die down or my will power would increase, maybe not instantly, maybe not in such a powerful way that my mind was blown, but rather in the quieter mystery that God so often works in; moments would pass without my knowing and suddenly I'd look back to realize that the temptation hadn't won and I'd overcome. Christ has given me victory over all.

I'm proud to say that I know I'm a better woman because of this fast and I'm so happy that I decided to take it on. For 21 days I felt as though I was really opened up to hearing and receiving from God without defense or fear of what He might instruct me to or want me to learn, and now my challenge is to continuously keep myself that vulnerable and available to God everyday. It's so easy to allow our lives, schedules, deadlines, and to-do lists to clutter our thoughts which then cloud our hearts and make it harder for us to focus on God. Although my fast is over, my journey to continue to seek God is not. Amen!

Be YOUR version of a Godly Woman/Man

Earlier this week I had a conversation with someone about being a Godly woman, wife, and mother. The person I talked to gave some insight as to what they thought that looked like and as they were doing so I began thinking of some of the women I've seen whom seem to be the perfectly put together version of a Godly woman. And it scared me to death!! I wasn't those things. These women always seemed poise, confident, quiet and meek, always said the right thing at the right time, had play dates with the other wives kids, cooked, knew crafts, dressed nicely, the list went on and on. Myself on the other hand....I'm trying to learn to cook, I'm somewhat socially awkward at times, I can be a little self-conscious in new situations, I tend to get loud when I'm excited or having fun, I sometimes joke when I shouldn't, I sure as heck don't know how to do crafts, and my wardrobe is on an obvious budget lol. In other words, I was nothing like these women and as I began thinking about it I started becoming more worried and frustrated that I would NEVER be those things (Chatterbox talking!).

I went home that night in complete self-destruct mode, "I'm not ladylike.", "I'd much rather watch a football game than Downton Abby.", "I like enjoying myself and laughing, even if I do get a little loud.", "And a beer every once and a while is nice!". By the end of the night I had determined that I wasn't meant to be a Godly woman, my personality just didn't fit that mold. I loved God, I wanted to follow Him, I wanted to raise my children in a home of faith, but I couldn't be the Stepford Wife that I thought was what a Godly woman had to be. So needless to say I went to bed that night discouraged and disappointed with myself and somewhat scared for my future.

The next morning I woke up, got down on my knees and prayed to God. I prayed for guidance and understanding, to be shown what kind of woman He made me to be and if I'd ever be good enough to be one of those perfect Godly women. And just as God does when you prostrate yourself and come to Him in dire need, He answered and He answered so beautifully and clearly that as I'm typing this it makes me tear up at His love for me.

You are perfect! I made you perfectly. There are no mistakes in you. You may never look or act exactly like some of the other women you see around you, but I don't look to those things, I look to your heart. Follow my Word, it's clear as to what a woman who truly seeks Me looks like and those are characteristics of the heart, not appearance and likes/dislikes. You are unique and one-of-a-kind, and there will never be another woman like you, which is why you're going to be YOUR version of a Godly woman. Give me your heart, follow my commands, let me transform those parts of you to be in better obedience to Me, and then let your unique flair shine through those places; be Courtney, the Godly woman.

Talk about a weight lifted off my shoulders and a huge confidence boost!!! God told me I was perfect. God told me I didn't need to look or act exactly like all those other women that I deemed so "perfect". God told me that I could be me and be a woman after His heart at the same time.

So here's what I'm saying. There are conditions of the heart that God wants all of His children to exhibit and that's stated clearly in His Word. And as children of God we should each be striving, with the help of the Holy Spirit, to inhabit and demonstrate those conditions each and every day....but it's not a one-size-fits-all. God didn't mass produce us like clones, He masterfully knit each and every one of us together in our mother's wombs and He did so with purpose to make each of us unique, beautiful, and wonderful in our own specific ways and by no means does He want that stripped from us. So when you're like me and doubting whether your personality makes you capable of becoming a Godly woman or man, remember this; God would not have placed anything inside of us that would keep us from being able to obey His Word, but by living in a fallen world we can develop traits and characteristics that go against God's word for our lives and make following and transforming difficult. So take those traits and test them? The true personality God graced you with will never keep you from obedience, but rather can be done in accordance with His Word to bless the places you're in and the people you surround. But those traits that we develop as a result of our circumstances and events in this world, those traits that clearly come against God's hope for us, that come from places of selfishness or defensiveness, those traits aren't what God graced us with and we don't need them; they don't bring true life or transformation, instead they bring bondage and evil repetitious cycles of stagnated growth and those traits can go to Hell!

Decide today to test your personality in an effort to get back to the way God originally designed you. Throw off the clothes of the world that you've layered on top of the majestic robes God birthed you in. Strip away the traits that are acting as walls, keeping you out of the emotional treasures God has marked out for you, and instead decide to embrace the already Godly and beautiful personality He created you with. Your unique and specific personality is a blessing when it's allowed to shine all on it's own, so find that personality and use it to bless those around you and honor and thank God for His perfect creation. Thank you, Father.

Praying When It Hurts...Obeying When It's Hard

Have you ever had to pray for or about something that you really didn't want to? Like you knew what YOU wanted to do and what YOU wanted, but you knew you needed to pray for God's will to be done? How hard it can be to sacrifice everything we desire, and crave, and have planned and hand it all over to God not knowing what He's going to do with it, but how comforting it is to know that God has marvelous plans marked out for us and although His plans may be entirely different than we built up in our heads, it's ultimately going to be more rewarding and joyful than we could imagine.

I'm a planner. I love knowing what's around the bend, what to expect. I've always been one to plan my future, mapping out significant milestones and decisions, giving myself deadlines, and really trying to force my future into the box that I want it to be in. And then this morning in prayer, BOOM!, God hit me with something hard.

It's not about the plans or the time or the deadlines. It's not about achieving those milestones or reaching those goals. Ultimately it's about living in accordance with My Word, seeking to become more and more like Christ, and allowing Me to transform you each day into someone more beautiful, more creative, more thankful, more compassionate, more giving, and with more wisdom. 

Relinquishing my future and the plans I've made in my head is so hard. It's like turning off Google maps on a roadtrip and saying "Let's wing it!". But as I really listened to what God placed on my heart, how could my future not be wonderful and full and beautiful if I'm living safely tucked in the hands of my Father? It's impossible. Living by the Word of God gives us freedom and liberation to live life to the full! So although I might not have two kids by 30, and an Irish Wolfhound in a two-story house in a quiet neighborhood where I'm a stay-at-home mom and miraculously learned to cook and craft; I will be blessed. I will be happy. My life will be beautiful.

LESSON LEARNED!!

First things first, I'm not Jesus and because I'm not Jesus my body needs real, edible, nourishing food to function. I came to this startling revelation this morning when I woke up and attempted to get ready for work only to realize that I could take about 6 steps before my body was screaming for me to sit down and rest. Not good. In my excitement of yesterday (work, eGroup, celebrations, and fun) I had missed, or rather, skipped the opportunity for breakfast and dinner which resulted in my body only getting a lunch of green salad and broccoli. Well I guess that wasn't enough to sustain me for a 24 hour or so period, so by the time I woke up I was shaky and weak.

Lesson: Fasting is a wonderful and beautiful opportunity for us to deny ourselves so as to grow closer to God in a time of prayer and devotion; however, we must be wise and remember that our bodies are still temples created by God that are meant to be taken care of out of glory and honor to Him, therefore THEY NEED FOOD!

Ready to get real honest?? I had the opportunity to eat last night. I could have eaten at eGroup (I brought my own snacks) or I could have eaten when I got home before bed, but I was being lazy!!! I didn't want to take the time to sit down and eat some food that I really didn't care to eat so I just decided that I'd drink a bottle of water, call it a night, and sleep off my hunger. That, my friends, is called being selfish and foolish and although it's embarrassing to admit, it's the truth. The things that I dealt with this morning were consequences of my foolishness that could have been avoided had I simply been obedient to the Word of God. "The wise inherit honor, but fools get only shame." Prov 3:35. "Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies." 1 Cor 6:19. I wasn't honoring to my body last night; I didn't get down on my knees and ask the Lord for sustenance because I wanted to abstain from food for Him; nope, I was just being lazy and selfish and those two things can get us in a heap of trouble if we allow it, far worse than weak knees and a growling stomach.

How often do you make a decision based on self-comfort or convenience? Has God ever called you to do something but you backed away because it seemed like too much effort? Let today change that! Accept that this life is not your own and when facing something God called you to that seems like too much remember that you have a Father that is more than willing to give you the resources to make it happen. Think not of yourself, but of Him and as we Elevators would say, CONSIDER THE SOURCE!

...I survived

I'm not entirely sure how but I'm thinking that through a combination of God's work within me and my love for Him, I managed to make it through the week and weekend while remaining true to my fast! And let me tell you, it's been so worth it! I've never been one to stick to anything I've decided to do (working out, not binge-watching netflix, not hitting the snooze button) but there's something happening in me and this fast is showing me just how much I need God every minute of every day. Last week as my stomach was growling and I was in the kitchen attempting to throw together some concoction that could be labeled food, something in my spirit just began to cry out for God; the hungrier I became, the stronger this yearning got to just go sit and talk to God and because of it He's been revealing some truths to me that I desperately needed to hear. When you take the focus off the external that surrounds you constantly and really begin focusing on the internal, there's no way to miss God's voice. A lot of us often think that we never hear God, that we can't, He doesn't speak to us, but really it's just that we don't know how to listen. We pray, we sing worship songs, we talk about Him and all of that is wonderful and He can speak through those things, but only if we have an ear for listening. If we're so tuned into everything around us, including satisfying ourselves through food, fun, work, etc then we never just sit and listen to hear God's whisper.

I'll share a story that I believe shows just how good God is when we're obedient and cheerful and passionate about obeying God's word and pleasing Him over ourselves. Yesterday I had to work my typical Saturday shift and since I don't get a lunch I packed something from home (fruit) and brought it with me, but I was worried that it wouldn't be enough to last an 8 hour day so I really wanted a smoothie from the place across the street to substitute as my breakfast. Well....as soon as I walked in I could see that almost every single smoothie offered had something in it that I couldn't have, but as I began talking to a regular customer behind me he made some suggestions and with a few tweaks or questions it seemed like I could get a smoothie while still maintaining my fast. I ordered my smoothie and walked out and was immediately hit with panic and worry, 'what if she lied to me and the smoothie did have extras in it?' or 'what if she'd told me she'd omit something just to get my business but it was there anyway?'. I was freaking myself out and by the time I walked to my job I had decided that as badly as I wanted a smoothie, I wasn't going to drink it if it meant going against this fast and the pledge I had made to stick this thing out. I sat the smoothie on the counter and didn't touch it for half an hour, and in that half an hour I texted, googled, and prayed trying to make sure that it was acceptable for me to have it. My prayers went something like this...'Heavenly Father, I want nothing more than to please and honor you and I pray that this smoothie is honoring to you, Lord. I pray that it's nourishing for my body but doesn't break any of the commitment that I've made to you.' It may sound silly but this smoothie had me in a tizzy and I was determined not to drink it if it was deemed forbidden. Ultimately the smoothie was acceptable, and might I add, delicious and I was joyful as it turned into a beautiful day at work, but God had more in store. Later that afternoon the owner of the store I work in stopped by to check in and see how the day was going. We chatted for a bit, I helped some customers, and he checked the numbers for the day which was nothing out of the ordinary. After about 30 minutes or so he decided that everything was good and he'd head out to enjoy his Saturday, but as he was walking towards the door he stopped, told me he was giving me a 50 cent raise (my second raise in the 3 months I've worked there) because I was doing a great job, and gave me a hug. Talk about wow! I laughed at first but after realizing he was being serious I could barely process the words 'Thank you' fast enough before he walked out the door. The thankfulness for this blessing hit me as soon as the door had closed behind him, but it wasn't until later that evening that I began thinking....God loves a cheerful giver, God judges the attitudes of our heart, God sees our motives...and I believe God was pleased that day. I wanted nothing more than to honor Him that morning, making sure to do what needed to be done to keep from ruining my fast even if it meant throwing a fresh $5.00 smoothie straight into the trash can; I was willing to sacrifice my want and desire for something in order to achieve the greater good of pleasing my Father. And when we place ourselves below God on our priority list, He will never disappoint in showing us how worth it that decision is.

God is good!! And if you give Him the chance, He'll prove that statement true EVERY TIME!

Day 1 is DONE!

 Roasted Garlic Hummus and All Natural and Organic Salsa with Whole Wheat Flour Chip thingys = surprisingly delicious!

Day 1 is behind me and I got a small glimpse of what the next 20 days are going to be like.....hard. I'm not sure if anyone reading this has ever done the Daniel Fast, but anytime I'd see anything remotely delicious (and forbidden) there'd be this little voice in the back of my head, "Eat it. Just take one bite. One bite isn't going to ruin everything. No one will even know you did it and then you can go back to your fasting." Now whether that little voice was the enemy, the chatterbox, or just my inner foodie I'm not sure, but I do know that it's tempting; what I also pieced together though is that the little voice urging me to take a bite of the Chinese food is also the same little voice that sometimes tries to get me to indulge in sin. And what's more interesting is this...I easily told that little voice to back off and leave because I wasn't going to fail this fast, I had made a commitment to God and that food wasn't on the list so it wasn't going in my body; BUT WAIT! Why was it so easy to tell that little voice to back off when it came to food on a fast, but yet it's so hard to tell it no when it's trying to get me to stumble in sin, why is it so easy to justify our sin sometimes...."Oh I had to lie because had I told the truth she just would've gotten mad and it would've ruined the whole day; lying to her kept her in a good mood." or "Surely I'm not expected to show this person the love of Christ, I mean after all they did to me how can I be expected to show them forgiveness, compassion, and love." See how easy it is to justify our sin sometimes, when really there's no justification, only God's Word guiding us in how we should live our lives for our Savior. And just like I told my little voice to shut up and go away because that food wasn't on the list, we should always be telling ourselves to back away from that sin because it's not in Christ!

And it begins...

So today is the day. Today is the day that I begin what I know will be a life-changing and spiritually lifting time of fasting. I've decided to embark on the Daniel Fast, a 21-day fast that's meant to encourage a deeper relationship with God. If you're interested in seeing what the Daniel Fast is all about in depth, check out this link and take a look for yourself http://www.daniel-fast.com/.

I don't have too much experience with fasting, but I really wanted to commit myself to this and just watch what God would do in my life with it (He's a multiplying God). Leading up to this decision I did some research on the Daniel Fast and also a little bit of soul searching within myself. I think everyone has quite a few bad habits that we're blatantly aware and yet we still choose to ignore them because let's be honest, breaking them would be hard. But that's exactly what I want to do while I take this journey; I want to break some of those old lingering bad habits and replace them with new, life-giving, and productive ones instead.

Just to give you some insight as to what I'll be battling against, here's some of the things I'm hoping to get rid of and some of the things I'm hoping to begin and make stick (they say you can make/break a habit in 21 days!).

GOTTA STOP THESE: 

-Eating an abundance of junk food and generally unhealthy food

-Never working out (bleh)

-Sleeping in every morning

GOTTA MAKE THESE START HAPPENING:

-Eating healthy and balanced food

-Working out 3x (that's a lot) week

-Going to bed at a decent time and therefore waking up on time

-Keeping a clean and PEACEFUL home

-Reading more

Realistically nothing on my list seems too impossible, but I'm human which means mistakes will be made and relapses will occur, but I've got God on my side for all of this and that's more than enough strength to bring me through.

Cheers to an incredible journey!